Processing things “in real time, in the company of strangers”? Bad idea.

We've become a world of external processors.

When something happens, we very often call or text someone - immediately. Or just as commonly, we post about it on social media.

We joke about this by saying, “if you didn't post about it on social media, did it even happen?” It's as if we've all subconsciously internalized the saying, “If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?”

The answer, btw, is yes. The falling tree does make a sound. And your response to an event in your life (or in the world) is just as real when you say nothing about it - to a person, or to the world through social media.

In Rhythms of Renewal, Rebekah Lyons writes,

"I processed everything in real time in the company of strangers. Whenever I felt anxiety is setting in, I'd grab my phone, the distraction of choice. I filled my mind with everyone else’s noise, no matter how much it might cost.” ⁠

The cost, she discovers, is high… and she does not ultimately find these actions to be positive. (In fact, of this season of her life she says that social media became the master, and she became the slave - without her realizing it.) I agree with her; it’s not positive.

Processing things in real time in the company of strangers is often not wise, for two reasons.

First, the “real time” part. Our real-time thoughts are often not our best thoughts. We speak them out of surprise, anger, or simply to react (or to be on record as reacting). Wisdom directs us to ponder, reflect, and pray, so that our response might be marked by thoughtfulness and maturity. As the ancient wisdom says, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

Second, the “strangers" part. For one thing, the wide world doesn't necessarily need to know all about our business; discretion is sometimes merited, and our own souls often need space to relish and process our lives more privately. For another, ours is a noisy world filled with a million perspectives… and many who seem primarily interested in shouting and labeling rather than truly engaging.

It is not wrong, and is sometimes very helpful, to share things broadly with others. This is disemminating information and conveying knowledge or viewpoint. We are to be light and communicate truth; we are to help the world flourish. But we all know our society is sagging under the weight of back-and-forth online shouting in social media's “loud” landscape. It is not always the best way. And it can do more harm than good.

The solution is not to stop sharing. It's to commit to being a person of integrity in what, how, and when you share. This is what mature people do, and the world desperately needs mature people to give insights into their lives and thoughts in targeted, limited ways that bring actual value. And it needs mature people who are committed to avoiding shouting and instead intentionally advancing conversations in meaningful ways.

Let's process first, internally - and well. Then when we're ready and God directs, let's share wisely.

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