How to Be the Boss of Your Phone

Here’s the truth: our souls’ health hinges on how we interact with our screens. And how much.

Sounds stark, right? But there’s no way around it.

The mini computers that live at the ends of our arms are powerful and seductive. They exert great influence. They’re capable of hostile takeover of our souls, message by message and scroll by scroll, if we allow it.

So let’s ask ourselves now… How many hours per day do we spend on our phones? How often do we check it each hour? Are we able to happily put it down and turn our full attention to Another Thing?

These are the critical questions of our age, and the answers show us whether we may live our lives as whole and healthy people. They aren’t the only questions, of course, but if we can’t get these questions right, we won’t get to the other ones. Don’t you think that’s true?

We must, then, be the boss of our phones. And good news! It’s entirely possible for us to be the boss of our phones.

Here are some realistic techniques we can use every day to help ourselves take, and keep, control over our phones.

Ask yourself why.
When you reach for your phone, ask yourself what you’re doing. Why are you opening that browser? Exactly why is your thumb poised over that icon, ready to strike? What are you seeking - what is your goal?
There’s a difference between using your phone for Google maps or to listen to a podcast… and compulsive, button-pushing behaviors. We know the difference… and we know it’s the latter that leads us into the morass. Let’s bring mindfulness to what our hands are doing, and make ourselves answer these questions before we begin clicking and swiping.
Set a time of day… and then a timer.
The longer I stay off social media, the more control I gain over my brain, and the more I can bring self-control into my usage. I aim to stay off social media - especially Instagram, my biggest trouble spot - till 3 PM when possible. (Because of work it’s not always possible, and I give myself grace for this.) When I’m done I set a timer for two hours to combat the urge to check back in to “see how a post is doing.” Megan Ericson uses the term “post and ghost,” and I love that.
Another option is to set a time of day to put your phone to bed… in a secluded part of the house. Val Woerner writes about “tucking her in for the night,” following it by saying, “but she’s crying.” Isn’t that a perfect image? I think it’s brilliant. If anything ever cried to be picked up again, it’s a phone after you’ve put it to bed.
(Not an “every day” practice, but in The Tech-Wise Family, Andy Crouch recommends going screen-free one day a week, which I think is wise. I adjust the practice a bit. Twice a week I aim to stay off social media either entirely, or until after 7 PM. I feel the difference, and the freedom, those days.)
Remove apps (or change them to black and white).
I have not done this, but I think it’s a great idea for seasons in which we may feel particularly addicted to our phones. Not having Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Twitter on our phones certainly means we will use them less. If you truly need to access them from your phone- say for work, you can take the time to reinstall them (inconvenient, which is exactly the point for an effective deterrent. You can also change the apps to only use black and white, which makes their usage much less appealing.
Carry a book.
We all know, and research has proven, that phone usage diminishes the time that users spend in books. We lose the time we once had to read books, and we start to decrease our ability to pay attention to long-form writing, like books. Talk about tragic consequences. We can combat this by actively prioritizing reading and carrying a book with us, at the ready for moments when we’re tempted to reach for our phones.
Get more accountability.
If you are going to push buttons on your phone, then by all means choose the “screen time” button (I moved the settings button to the bottom four of the home screen for this purpose - another Val Woerner hack.) If you’re going to be addicted to your phone, let your addition be to checking how much time you’ve spent on it… and trying to make it LESS!
If that’s not enough, set specific app limits on your phone using Screen Time, and even consider giving someone else the password so you can’t go over your time. This isn’t just a strategy for managing kids! Time management and social media guru Michael Hyatt does this (his wife has the password), and I know others who do this too.

I’ve also started engaging in community with others who can educate, encourage and inspire in the Use Less Screens arena. Now when I’m on a screen I encounter people and groups talking about using screens less! Ironic but helpful. I follow Facebook groups (The Limited Screen-Time Family) and pages (1000 Hours Outside), and IG users like Screen Life Balance and Better Screen Time. I’d love to add to this list if you have recommendations!

Actually, I’d love to hear anything about your struggles, successes, concerns or thoughts in this tricky arena. Comment or email me!

Bottom line: it’s time to wrestle, folks. Our souls are at stake. Who’s with me?

If you like this post, please share it! For more content like it, take my free, fun QUIZ, “What’s Your Cell Phone Virtue?”

Or join us at the the susanbarico.com subscriber community, and I’ll send you my quick start guide: “5 steps to less CELL, more SOUL.” Sign up here.

You May Also Enjoy:

Digital Wellness Writing